Two girls travelling
After stopping off in Arabia to shop, Marge and Cheryl flew to India to attend several festivals.
“Well Marge what do you think so far to our travels”.
“Not a lot Cheryl, so far we have spent plenty, yet the guys have been slow on the uptake”.
“ Well girl lets be up and away to find gold in Australia”.
“amen to that Marge”.
At Mumbai Cheryl looked back at the iconic stone arch; and wondered about Elephanta Island and it’s Hindu god Shiva”. Seeing so much damage and pollution, it was soul destroying.
“Let’s go girl”.
This Post Has 36 Comments
Better luck Down Under! 🙂
I think they are going to need luck.
Sounds like the Indian guys were pretty fast on the uptake
They certainly were, thanks for the feedback Neil
Lights of Mumbai from the ship?
What a sight that must be, one I would enjoy.
You’re cutting right to the point, Michael, perfectly ironic. With the way so many of us behave, thoughtless and selfish, we cause much of the misery we pity later.
Sadly we often fail to realise that until it is to late. It was good to get your feedback, thank you
These days the pollution is everywhere.
Hey, I have a traveling Marge too!
I was sadden but not surprised to see videos of the pollution. My Marge is in her forty’s and loves gold trinkets. My Marge says hello to her namesake, but hopes that they are not twins.
A wasteful and frivolous pair, not seeing their own complicity in the pollution they observe.
It was great to read your feedback, you helped me to see my characters more clearly, thank you.
I wonder if they ever stop to think about the results of their own careless behaviors.
Thank you granonine, this week the feedback on this posting has enabled me to develop these two characters further.
I agree that the Indian men were quick on the uptake. A clear picture of a couple of undeserving unappreciative air heads.
I am in two minds as to how to develop this pair of characters. The feedback that I am receiving has enabled me to see them in a differing light.
We learned so much about these girls through their dialogue. Well done! And the mention of Mumbai and Elephanta Island brought back many memories of my travel there. Thank you, Michael!
I my one and only visit to India , I sadly did not visit Mumbai… Elephanta Island would have fascinated me, but now I doubt that I would cope with the pollution. Even twenty plus years ago the pollution in Colombo Sri Lanka had a detrimental effect on me. However I found the rest of Sri Lanka a place of great beauty.
Dear Michael,
It is a shame what we’re doing to our planet, isn’t it? Very telling dialogue.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Until now I have rarely used dialogue. Which is sad, as I have learnt quite a lot from the feedback received, now I am using dialogue. I do appreciate the time you use to give feedback, thank you Rochelle
Wonder where they got all their cash to be flouncing from place to place like that…
Now that’s a great question Dale; I have a suspicion that they have fallen across some ill-gotten gains. I have had some different and useful comments since using more dialogue. Which has challenged the story pathway that I had for this pair of characters. I am now quite interested in how this story grows, depending on an appropriate prompt picture
Wow! That’s a real whistle-stop tour!
It was rather whistle-stop. One or two of the feedback comments have led to my altering the continuation of their story, which I had planned for them…
Dialogue is a wonderful way to portray personalities. Great job
So it is, I am learning that as I experiment with it. I am grateful for your feedback, it is appreciated.
Not much culture being absorbed here then. Happens a lot, I assume. Great pen portraits.
It was good to read your feedback, for when this pair of characters turned up, it was their portraits that I was really attempting to develop.
I wonder why Marge and Cheryl travelled to India, as they don’t seem the least bit interested in the culture. Perhaps Austrlia will appeal to them more.
Perhaps in time we will find out. If the other characters who keep appearing, will allow me to return and write the next part of the adventure
Thought-provoking & interesting.
I was so pleased to read your comment. It all writer can ask for, plus of course more and more readers.
Having lived in India for a number of years, I can relate to the pollution issue. The people were wonderful but the pollution was detrimental to my health. We also lived in Australia for a time (in a couple locations) … India & Australia … two different worlds. Hope Marge and Cheryl can take away some good from their visit to India, hope they find some gold in Australia to cover their trip expenses. Great dialogue as always! =)
I have only spent a short time in India and loved what I saw, excepting for the pollution and dire poverty. Sadly I don’t think that I will get to Australia. I am learning that using dialogue can add substance to flash fiction. Thank you Brenda
It certainly does add substance, Michael!!
Then I am grateful. Thank you Brenda