The Route of Life
Janet noted the changing of the seasons, she noticed her customers getting older. She saw business prosper and fade. She watched her own body changing, but Franks steel blue eyes never changed. His desire for her just grew stronger. Children and grandchildren came and left. Life just moved forward until the day she saw the black Ford V-8 Sedan, its two occupants flashed guns and told her to hand over her cash.
History does not note the passage of Bonnie and Clyde though this town. Yet Frank blamed the pair for Janet’s death, as the life left her eyes the very same day.
Footnote: Bonnie Parker wrote two rather interesting poems. Had she not become a criminal, might she have gone on to become a great writer and poet?
This Post Has 52 Comments
Inventive piece Michael. Just one query. We start off in Janet’s point of view and finish in Frank’s. Is that intentional?
Sorry Neil It occurred without me thinking about it. Writing to fast perhaps.
Interjecting here. Michael, if you were to put a wide space between the lines where the POV changes it would make sense. Starting the new paragraph with ‘History…’ will make it clearer. After all Janet was killed. So the last couple of lines can’t be from her POV. I hope that makes sense.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle, I really appreciate this advise. Mike
Dear Michael,
I like the way you wove Bonnie and Clyde into this. Inventive. We always ponder the what if’s, don’t we?
Shalom,
Rochelle
There are so many what if’s thoughout history. Thank you for taking the time to give feed back. Mike
Clever piece, Michael, enjoyed it.
Thank you so much, i love listening to your telling of your flash fiction. I must learn how to do that. Mike
Nicely done, Michael.
Thank you, the prompt picture was kind to me. Mike
Like how you picked up Bonnie and Clyde… took a bit of the gangster romance out of the picture… at the end it was just murder wasn’t it?
Hi Bjorn, in this case it was just old age, and a stoke. Good to get your feedback. Thanks Mike
Great take on the prompt Michael. I’m not sure whether you intended the reader to construe that she never got over the shock of being robbed and just faded away after the experience, or in fact she died at their hands. Either way, I didn’t notice the POV change, it felt appropriate under the circumstances.
Sandra. In my mind as the author she had a stoke and died, but it was due to her old age. It is interesting to know how others read my stories. Mike
Loved your take on this picture. And I liked the changing of the POV. It made sense to me. Maybe just put an apostrophe in Frank’s?
Dale. These apostrophes they really fox me at the present time, I am going to have to work on them. Thank you I do appreciate your feed back. Mike
They can be a pain in the butt!!
Very well woven. Hits you, like slow wine. I liked the brevity, too.
That’s great feed back, very much appreciated. Thanks you Mike
There’s something going on between the lines in this tale! Interesting, intriguing.
My silly story!
You are so right, a hidden tale maybe, of love perhaps. By the way I loved the way you painted your tale. Mike
Great work Michael. Liked Bonnie and Clyde being woven in to the prompt and a great opening paragraph. The change in pov didn’t bother me at all.
Thank you Iain, for your feedback it really does help me. Mike
Great piece. I love Bonnie and Clyde gliding through, malevolent or not.
Thank you so much, I found it interesting to research material for this story. mike
Yes, the Bonnie and Clyde motif is great. They came through Kansas when my dad was a boy. Years later, he got to see their car. It hadn’t been cleaned up, either. Blood and bits of brains on it. UGH!
Great story, Mike!
Thank you so much for comments, I was surprised when I was researching this story to read that the car had survived. mike
Thank you so much for comments, I was surprised when I was researching this story to read that the car had survived. mike
Interesting story! How sad, and very true that an event like that can scar a person and even change her (or his) personality. I enjoyed the footnote, too–who knows?
Emily, I was pleased to hear how you saw this story, and its footnote. Thank you, Mike
Interesting tale of history. I like it Michael.
Tracey
Thank you Tracey, It was good to have your view on this tale. mike
Great story! I love the inclusion of history and the way it feels as if her life is suddenly cut off.
It was great to get your feedback, thank you, mike
The expression ‘life left her eyes’ is fantastic – everything else could be motionless and the person still be alive, but the eyes show the truth.
Thank you Clare,
Liking the Bonnie and Clyde link 🙂
Thanks Helen.
I to liked the idea of Bonnie and Clyde breezing through the story. I like how you told the love story.
How sad and yet I don’t get the sense that he is overwhelmed with grief, more resigned to whatever comes. Great take.
Thank you, he was a strong chap, but will fade quickly now
I thought this was great Michael, the build up, it’s content and sentiment are worthy of longer piece.
That’s kind, thank you. Mike
That’s marvellous on so many levels. The history, Jane’s reflection, then the famous gangsters who may or may not have been like history describes them, and a grieving husband. Great writing, Michael, apostrophes or not. 😀
Poor Frank. You really communicated his love for Jane well, and the heartbreak he must have felt.
Thank you so much, I am glad that came across
in his grief, he could blame anybody for her death.
That is true, when the reaper calls, she calls.
Sad story.
Dawn. The prompt images indicated to me the need for a sad story. I thank you for taking the time to comment. Mike
Good fictional story based on reality, Michael. I thought it sounded like Janet didn’t die physically at first but gradually from the shock of the robbery. I’m still not sure. Good writing though. 🙂 — Suzanne
In my mind she had a deadly stoke soon after the visit by bonnie and clyde, but I left it open for the reader. Thank you for your comments I do appreciate them. Mike