[ A Synthetic alien head from the national space centre Leicester UK]

You would think that I might be bored resting here; but not so. You see humanity can be studied in great detail when they think ‘we’ are the specimens. First there is prim Miss Edwards, who visits this room most days. Ostensibly to sketch; and sketch she does. Yet when Roger arrives to catalogue the new arrivals, her pencil falters, her pupils dilate and her cheeks flush pink. Sadly Roger only has eyes for Mrs Jones, whom he watches her remorselessly; poor thing he is just not in her league. Then there is Mr Bottomley the janitor, he knows how to treat Mrs Jones, his smile might be false, but his hands do the right sort of talking.

This place? It is the planet earths national depository for aliens. It is full of specimens from all over the universe. Each one studying humans. In fact across from me is the head man from Rosiv. He studies a pair who visit in the evening, they like to turn out the lights after locking the door.

But now my transmission must end, for it is well before our children’s bedtime. Yes this bit will have to wait for prime time viewing.