Life once resided here.
Golden drops of life once resided here. Dreams came just like the differing members of the families did. Now all that remains are empty houses slowly decaying in the heat. All was once clear in my memory, but age brings impurities, challenging my memories. Which now feel rather like a fading rainbow, yet even in darkness I will believe in hope. For I believe that the patterns that once were life, now drift crystal clear in another plain. Like springs water they pour in torrents out into the universe. Liquid memories heading for new worlds. Sparkling like a true rainbow.
This Post Has 52 Comments
Lyrical, Michael
Kind of you to say so, Neil.
A philosophical view of hope and satisfaction in life’s journey.
Thank you James, this piece of flash has taxed me somewhat, so that I still feel the need to make small alterations.
Sadly sweet, Michael.
Excellent
Thank you, C E. I still find myself making small alterations to this piece of flash.
Lovely imagery, Michael, and a satisfying take on a life well lived.
Thank you Penny, appreciate the feedback, as I do find myself still trying to tidy up this piece.
Dear Michael,
Almost poetry, this one. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you so much Rochelle. I appreciate your feedback. With this piece of flash I still finding myself trying to improve it!
Lovely piece. Like a prose poem.
Thank you so much J.
Very contemplative Michael
I reckon that contemplative is right, I still find myself working on this piece. Interesting what prompt pictures can bring out.
Loved the optimism that you struck in this story, Michael.
Thank you Neel, I am glad that the optimism came over. I do still find myself working on this piece of flash, interesting.
A wonderfully ethereal piece of writing.
Thank you so much Edith, I was challenged by this piece, even now I still find myself trying to improve it.
i love the positive tone of this story. well done.
Thank you plaridel, It was a surprise to me as this turned up from the prompt picture.
A poignant piece indeed. Excellent.
Pleased to hear that, thank you Keith.
This is really good. The word “lyrical” comes to mind.
Thank you granonine, it is not often that I manage to be lyrical.
A very intriguing take on life’s journey standing at the tail-end of it. Memories like faded rainbows sounds like a life well -lived, and the spilling over into the universe, reflects death as transformation and not then end.
Thank you Fatima, I was surprised when this piece of flash turned up from the prompt, it is a very simplified version of how I perceive the end of life, I think !
Great optimism. A touch of eastern philosophy here. Worth repeat reads.
Thank you so much Patrick. I do feel that my mind and pen has not completed this piece yet !
Beautiful, magical. This piece has the kind of mind clearing sensibility (as in feeling, not as in being practical)of books like the celestine prophecy. I feel some fantastical enlightenment coming…
Thank you for such an interesting comment, I will check that book out. I do find myself considering expanding my writing to include similar pieces.
Thank you Andrea for such an interesting comment. I do find myself considering expanding my writing to include similar pieces
Beautifully written!
Thank you Sascha, I find myself considering writing more along a similar vein
Magical description! 🙂
Kind of you to say so, I hope that I will be able to write more piece along similar lines
I am certain you will be able to! 🙂
Lovely ending.
Thank you Carol,
Beautifully done.
Thank you jilly
Hi Michael,
I really loved this flash, but thought it could use a bit of help in the punctuation department and that might be why you were feeling it needed a bit of work. So, after appreciating feedback myself this week, I took the liberty of working on the punctuation for you. You also had believe twice quite close together and jiggled a few other things too. I’d really like to see it as a poem, because it has a beqautiful poetic quality and is a great piece of writing. Just needed a bit of polish, which can be a lot easier to apply to someone else’s work.
Golden drops of life once resided here. Dreams came, just like the various members of the family. Now, all that remains, are empty houses slowly decaying in the heat. All was once clear in my memory, but age brings impurities, challenging my memories, which now feel rather like a fading rainbow, Yet, even in darkness, I have hope. For I believe, that the patterns that once were life, now drift crystal clear in another plane. Like spring water, they pour in torrents out into the universe. Liquid memories heading for new worlds. Sparkling like a true rainbow.
Best wishes,
Rowena
Hi Rowena, I am grateful for your input, I had missed seeing the repetitive word. As for punctuation, it has always out foxed me. Usually after about six weeks I transfer the flash fiction to my laptop, when google sometimes steps in to highlight some of my errors. When I transfer this post, I will print out my version and yours. Which will help me greatly. Thank you Mike
You’re welcome, Mike. Punctuation is a beast and it’s often easier to pick up in someone else’s work. However, when I read your piece, the punctuation seemed quite clear to me. That’s not to say I haven’t made different mistakes.
I think it’s much better to help each other with the prompts rather than just patting each other on the back. Constructive criticism presented kindly is worth its weight in gold.
Best wishes,
Rowena
Golden it is. Thank you Rowena
A poetic piece that left me a bit melancholy and hopeful.
Must be the rainbow you speak of <3
Hi Dawn, please do not be melancholic, I am truly optimistic about the universe. Even if sometimes we humans do seem set on trashing it.
I know you are Mike. that comes through in your writing. It’s what brings me back!
So pleased, thank you Dawn
Beautifully poetic. Very well-written.
So pleased to read your feedback, thank you so much.
So many pretty phrases in your piece, Michael. But I think my favorite was “age brings impurities.” My stepfather has Alzheimer’s, and I couldn’t help but think of him as I read, “Liquid memories heading for new worlds.,” and somehow, it gave me a little peace.
Alzheimer’s is a scourge, we need more research to find ways of preventing or slowing its effects. It would be pleasing if my post was even a very tiny step forward Jan.