Lady Jane
The roar of the waves breaking against the rocks finally broke through Jim’s dream, he had been back in a maze of alleys in Spitalfields chasing Daisy. The line of breaking waves shouted danger, their lurid green colour was highlighted by the full moon, which gave them a luminous quality. Breakers, Breakers dead ahead. As the mate spun the wheel and the cry went up, to reef the sails, Lady Jane struck the circle of jagged coral which formed the outer reef around a low island.
As she turned sideways the coral ripped out her heart, the strength of the wind and the weight of the sodden sails tipped her on to her side. Two days later when the storm blew its self out, nothing remained of the Lady Jane. It would be nearly another hundred years before an American trader visited the remote island and sent divers down to look for pearls. Pearls they found, but also they found several rotting chests. Only one was salvageable, in it was a small gold locket. Inscribed: Come back safe my love – with fondest love to Jim from Daisy.
Footnote
Seeing the prompt photograph by Footy and Foodie, brought back a fond memory of visiting the cinema to see South Pacific in 1959 with my mother. In those days visiting the cinema was a magical experience. So I dedicate this story to my mother who loved reading. Thank you Mum. Until writing this story of mine I had not heard of James Michener, now I have another author to look up.
This Post Has 28 Comments
Wonderful story, Mike! Very sad that Lady Jane crashed into the rocks and that Jim died! Such a sweet heart touching ending. You write very well!
That is very kind of you. Trying my hand at flash fiction has greatly helped me. So thank you so much Priceless Joy for all your work keeping this site going, and your kind comments. Mike
It’s my pleasure Mike! Thank you for being thankful for it!
great take on the image Mike…..one story I heard about James A Michener was he wrote long stories as a way of stopping the uneducated from reading them….probably untrue but he did long involved tales….I grew up watching a TV series called ‘Adventures in Paradise’ based on his books…
Mike,’Lorraine and her frilly Freudian slip’ is unable to comment at present but asked if I would pass on her comment that she enjoyed your tale very much…
At one time I loved to study how a well known author wrote and why they decided on which way to frame their novel. But now a long and involved novel has to be very well writen to hold my attention. James Michener certainly sparked others to reform his writing for the screen and tv, which must be great. Mike
Very nicely woven into the picture. Great detail of the only chest intact has a locket saying “come back my love”
So pleased you let me know how the story felt, it is so helpful to see the comments after writing a story. Thank you so much. Mike
You could picture everything about this story. Very well written 🙂
Thank you so much, it is good when a story works. Mike
This story is pregnant with a lot of emotion. Great piece
It is so nice of you to say this, thank you so much,
Not what I was expecting from the title. Lot of story in a short piece. Nicely done.
Hey, good to read your story! I like the concept, and how the ship is named after a woman and becomes sort of a tragic heroine in a way that parallels the fate of Jim and Daisy. It’s well thought out.
One thing I’d watch out for is the use of ‘breaking’ and ‘broke’ in the same sentence- its the same word but in different tenses sounds a touch jarring.
I’ve always thought of good writing as a war against long sentences and adjectives; the best way to improve is to cut down both as much as possible, and I think that’s something that could benefit your story.
For example ‘The line of breaking waves shouted danger’ could be shortened to ‘the breaking waves shouted danger’- it doesn’t lose much in way of description and it sounds punchier, the point hitting you straight away. It’s flash fiction, so there’s less time to edit,but just something to bear in mind.
Anyway, overall good job! I liked the last end- a strong finish, which is one of the most important parts of any story!
Thank you for the thoughts on Lady Jane. I am often guilty of using long sentences. That was a good piont about breaking and broke. Thanks Mike
This is lovely, I liked the description, it was as if I was there in the sea with him and feeling his lack of strength against the elements. Very nice take on the prompt Michael.
Thank you so much for your kind comment. Mike
A very touching story! Great take!
So poor Jim never made it home to his Daisy – so many lost at sea over the years, and many must have been thinking of their own ‘Daisy’ at the last. Nice story Michael
Thank you Lynn, stories about the sea have always been a special interest area for me.
It takes a unique individual to be able to work at sea. Great stuff
Thank you Lynn,
My pleasure 🙂
It’s something the way something as large as a boat can get ruined in a few minutes and something so delicate as a locket can live a century or more.
Your footnote has me smiling. As children, my younger brother and I used to dance around the house singing to the sound track of South Pacific. One of my favorite movies.
Ellespeth
So pleased you enjoyed Lady Jane
Your story for me goes quite well with the photo.
Something about hope never being lost.
Thats an interesting interpretation, thank you for the feedback, it really helps. Mike