Red Blood
May I enter: Is the dragon awake, will he see me – Master. Is that blood on your robe child. Yes Master it is the blood spilt by all. How can that be child. I was carried here by the four winds as they cried tears of blood: Master.
There is blood on the wind. Yes Master. What does it mean child. That the winds are crying, crying for those who do not see: Master. What do they not see child. They do not see the suffering, but the winds see: Master.
How may we help child. Only nature can help, and only the dragon can ask for her help. May I talk with the dragon: Master. What would you ask of the dragon child. For help Master, for the dragon to fly to the ocean and talk with the turtle, for the turtle to talk with all the creatures of the oceans and ask for forgiveness.
But there are no turtles left child. Then the dragon cannot help: Master: And the oceans will die. Farewell Mars.
Footnote:
Turtles and many creatures of the oceans are dying as the oceans are polluted by plastic and other chemicals. If the oceans die …
Your comments about the structure of this piece of writing would be welcome,
This Post Has 17 Comments
Intriguing piece Michael. That last line – are we all descended from Martians who had to flee Mars when the oceans died – and we’re making the same mistakes again here on Earth? My only thought on structure would be to make it clearer who is speaking – perhaps a new line for each different piece of dialogue – took me a couple of reads to figure out who was saying what. Worth the effort though, good writing.
Iain: I very much agree about your comment on the dialogue. Once I would have hidden this piece of writing a draw, but this time I felt the need for some advise, to improve my future attempts at this type of conversation. Thank you for your help, Mike
Very interesting and ultimately tragic story Michael. I liked how you spun an environmental message in a mystical narrative – very good.
I would agree with Iain, that it’s unclear who’s speaking and I wasn’t sure what was meant about Mars at the end. Also not sure if you need to use colons at all as commas would perhaps be more appropriate.
A mythical take on a very pressing matter
Lynn, I will be rewriting Red Blood for inclusion in a hard copy of my work, and will be pleased to take yours and Iain’s advise. Thank you so much. Mike
Next stop – Venus!
Nice ecological take.
Poor Venus, thank you Yarnspinner.
Yes, the oceans are dying because of plastic, chemicals and gill nets! Great story, very profound.
PJ, I see the ocean and its ‘inhabitants’ as the lungs of our world. Thank you for all the hard work you put into managing FFfAW’s. Mike
Yes, that is a great way to look at it! Thank you so much Mike!
It’s as if you’re saying Earth will become as lifeless as Mars is now. Interestingly enough, Mars once had an ocean near its northern hemisphere that contained more water than the Arctic and Indian Oceans combined. That was 4.5 billion years ago, however.
Very spiritual and ecological piece.
James, Indeed that is part of my concern, if we destroy the ecosystems of the oceans, what will stop the climate altering radically and the oceans sinking below the earth’s crust! Also thank you for your finial comment, Mike
We can make the planet so that it won’t support higher forms of life, including humans, but I doubt we could permanently destroy the biosphere. Earth has gone through many extinction events and always recovered. We may destroy the human race, but in terms of geological time, Earth will endure.
I do hope so, but the oceans and the earth’s climate so interwoven.
The irony is that we’re looking at Mars as our go-to if the earth does die. Well written!
That sounds like leaving a warm day by the sea and entering a volcano. Thank you Loretta.
Humans and their pollution are certainly polluting the oceans and endangering the future of many species, and I like the idea of the dragon taking them requests for forgiveness. As others have said, the dialogue does need setting out properly to make clear who is speaking. On first read, it is confusing. A new line per speaker is usual, even when the speech is tagged.
Thank you very much for the feedback, I think that my brain must have been quite foggy when I posted this story.